Naruto, Neji, and Gaara
by Xx.fade2black
Summary: Just a collection of blonde, brunette and redhead jokes Naruto style!
1. Chapter 1

Summery: a collection of blonde, brunette and redhead jokes- Naruto style

Disclaimer: I don't own Naurto, or any of the jokes I am using…

Slytherinbadgirl91: just to clarify: Naurto is the blonde, Neji is the brunette, and Gaara is the redhead.

Naruto, Neji, and Gaara all go to get their fortunes told. Neji decides to go first, he walks into the fortuneteller's tent while Naruto and Gaara wait outside

"I'm here to get my fortune told" Neji says

"Ahh… Okay… But first you must tell me one true thing about yourself" the fortuneteller says, she looks up from her crystal ball and Neji realizes it's Sakura.

"Hmm, that's easy" Neji exclames

"But be careful," Sakura warned "if you tell a like, you will disappear off the face of the earth"

"Seems easy enough," Neji replied "I think I'm the best person on earth" and POOF he disappeared off the face of the earth

Outside, Gaara looked at his watch, Neji was taking an awful long time, so Gaara decided that he would just check in. He walked into the fortuneteller's tent, and realized Neji was not inside, so Gaara sat down in the chair across the small table from the fortuneteller whom he recognized as Sakura.

"I have come to get my fortune told" Gaara said

"Ahh… Okay… but first you must tell me one true thing about yourself." Sakura said mysteriously. She gazed into her crystal ball

"hmm, okay" Gaara said

"However, if you tell a lie, you will disappear off the face of the earth." Sakura continued to gaze into the crystal ball.

"I think I'm the best person on earth" POOF Gaara disappeared

Naruto continued to stand outside the tent; he was bored out of his mind, and decided to see what was taking so long.

Naruto went in to find that his friends were not there, so he sat down in the chair and asked to have his fortune told

"Ahh…Okay… but you must tell me one true thing about yourself first" Sakura said. Naurto opened his mouth to say something but Sakura kept talking "And if you tell a lie, you will disappear off the face of the planet"

Naruto sighed and paused for a moment "Okay… I think-"

POOF Naruto disappeared

This huge dinosaur is chasing Naruto, Neji, and Gaara. They are running, running, running; suddenly they come to a dead end, a cliff. Suddenly a gene pops out of nowhere.

"I can help you escape this beast," the gene said in a deep voice

"How?" replies Neji

"Jump off the cliff and shout an animal name, whatever you shout I shall turn you into"

Neji walked up to the cliff's edge, he saw crocodiles at the bottom of the cliff, thinking for a second, he jumps and shouts "BIRD" he turns into a bird and flies away

Gaara walks up to the cliff's edge next, he looks down and sees crocodiles, he pauses for a second before jumping and shouting "MOSQUITO" he turns into a mosquito and flies away.

Naurto turns to see the dinosaur really close now, about 50 feet from where he is standing, so Naruto runs up to the cliff and without looking down he jumps.

As he is falling, Naurto sees a bunch of crocodiles below him

"HOLY CRAP!"

(A/N: I had to use Ino for this because I needed two blondes)

Naruto, Ino, and Neji are suspended by a rope fifty feet above the ground, below them are alligators; the rope only holds two people. After a long discussion Neji says that he is willing to let go of the rope and be alligator food.

"But before I let go, I have to say a speech" Neji says "I thank my mother, my father, my teachers in school, my friends…" he goes on and on, at the end Naruto and Ino clap.

Naruto's house is on fire, he is scared so he calls 911 as quickly as possible

"Hello" a voice says on the other end

"Is this the number for 911?" Naruto askes

"Yes, what do you need young man?"

"My house is on fire!" Naruto shouts

"Alright, so how do you get there?" the man askes

"Don't you have those big red trucks any more?"

Slytherinbadgirl91: I think that's enough jokes for now… if you have any good blonde, brunette, redhead jokes send them to me if you want them published Narutoified!

Please review, it took me a long time to write this down!

Bye!


	2. Chapter 2

**Summery**: see chapter one…

**Disclaimer**: see chapter one…

**Slytherinbadgirl91**: I got really good reviews on the last chapter, so I decided to make a new one!

Naruto, Neji, and Gaara are on a disserted island; a gene pops up out of nowhere and asks for three wishes

"I want to be home with my parents" Neji says, and poof, he's home with his parents

"I want to be home with my parents too," Gaara says, and poof, he's home with his parents as well.

Suddenly Naruto starts crying,

"Whats wrong?" the gene asks

"I want my friends back!"

Naruto, Neji, and Gaara are on the same disserted island, they are asleep and don't realize this is actually a cannibal island. The next day the cannibal leader finds the three guys and takes them back to his camp.

Neji wakes up first. The cannibal leader turns to him and speaks "Do you want to leave this island alive?"

"Yes" Neji replies

"Then go out and find three of the same fruit, I'll give you more directions after that" the cannibal leader says.

"Yes sir!" So Neji goes out and returns an hour later with three blueberries "Now what?"

"Okay, you must stuff them up your ass, but you must keep a straight face, and don't make a single sound" the cannibal leader says.

So Neji sticks all three blueberries up his ass, and dies of internal bleeding.

Gaara wakes up while Neji is gone looking for blueberries, and he now returns with strawberries.

"Okay, you must now stuff the strawberries up your ass, but you must keep a straight face, and don't make a single sound!" the cannibal leader says to Gaara

So Gaara stuffs all three strawberries up his ass, and is feeling fine, but suddenly he bursts out laughing and the cannibal leader kills him.

In heaven Neji says to Gaara "What happened? You were so close? Why did you laugh?"

"I laughed because Naruto came back with pineapples"

Naruto, Neji and Gaara are in heaven, an angel comes over to them on their first day and says:

"You can step on any cloud, but if you step on a purple one, you will be chained and marred to that person" and the angel flies away.

So the next day, Neji decides to go out and get coffee for the three of them. He comes back and is chained to Sakura,

"What happened?" asked Naruto

"I stepped on a purple cloud" Neji replies

So the next day, Gaara goes out to get the coffee, and comes back chained to Ino

"What happened?" asks Neji

"I stepped on a purple cloud" Gaara replies

So the next day it's Naruto's turn to get coffee, he comes back chained to Sasuke,

"What happened?" Gaara asks

"I stepped on a purple cloud" Sasuke replies

Naruto, Neji, and Gaara are really poor. They decide to sell potatoes; but they don't have any, so they go over to the guy next door. He has a potato farm, so they decide to steal some potatoes. They are in the potato barn when they hear the police siren. They decide to hide in potato barrels.

"YOU CAN RUN, BUT YOU CAN'T HIDE!" the police shouts as he knocks down the potato barn door. He knocks on the barrel that Neji is in "Anyone in there?"

Neji thinks hard, after a while he meows

"Oh, just a kitty eating potatoes" the police says, he goes over to Gaara's barrel and knocks on it "Anyone in there?"

Gaara had heard Neji meow, so he decides to bark.

"Oh, just a doggy eating potatoes" the police says, he goes over to Naruto's barrel and knocks on it "Anyone in there?"

Naruto had heard his two friends, and he had been thinking, so he says "potatoes! Potatoes!"

**Slytherinbadgirl91**: did you like my jokes this time?


	3. Chapter 3

**Summery**: see chapter one…

**Disclaimer**: see chapter one…

**Slytherinbadgirl91**: … Chapter three! I hope you likey!

(A/N: Ino is making a second reappearance!)

Naruto is paddling a canoe out in the middle of the Grand Canyon, Ino, rides down a pathway in her car

"So you're the one giving all us blondes a bad name!" Ino shouts

"Yeah so?" Naruto shouts back

"If I could swim, I'd go out there and kill you!"

(A/N: this chapter is for the girls, and we'll just have to pretend that Sakura is a redhead…)

Ino, TenTen, and Sakura are sitting in the doctor's office; they all think they are pregnant.

"Okay," the doctor turns towards TenTen, "were you on the top or bottom?"

"I was on the bottom" TenTen replies a bit embarrassed.

"Then you will have a girl," the doctor says

"Thank you" TenTen pays the doctor and leaves,

"What about you?" The doctor asks Sakura

"I was on the top" she replies

"Then you will have a boy," the doctor says

Suddenly Ino bursts out crying, Sakura goes over to calm her best friend down

"What's the matter?" The doctor asks

"AM I GOING TO HAVE PUPPIES?"

Naruto walks into an appliance store, Sasuke is the sales man, and he goes over to ask Naruto if he needs help

"Do you need any help Naruto?" Sasuke asks in a monotone

"Yeah, can I buy that TV?" Naruto asks

"Uh, no sorry, we don't sell to blondes" Sasuke replies and kicks Naruto out of the store,

So Naruot goes to the wig store and buys a rainbow wig, he reenters the appliance store

"Can I buy that TV?" Naurto asks Sasuke

"Uh, no sorry, we don't sell to blondes" Sasuke replies and kicks Naruto out of the store for the second time

"Damn," Naruto says as he walks into the wig store again, this time he buys a brown wig.

Naruto walks back into the appliance store "Hey Sasuke, can I buy that TV?"

"Uh, no sorry, we don't sell to blondes" Sasuke replies again

"How could you tell it was me?" Naruto asks as he takes off the wig

"Because… that's a microwave"

(A/N: this joke was donated by O.oCharmedAnimeGirlo.O, it's a little different than their version, but I tried my best!)

Naruto, Neji, and Gaara were on another deserted island; they hold a meeting where Neji says that it is 100 miles to get to the mainland, they decide to swim back to the mainland.

Neji decides to swim first, he goes 10, 20, 30, miles and drowns,

Gaara goes next, he goes 10, 20, 30, 40, 50 miles and drowns.

Naruto goes last; he goes 10, 20, 30, 40, 50, 60, 70, 80, 90, 99 miles, gets tired and swims back to the island.

**Slytherinbadgirl91**: how were my jokes this time? Remember if you have any jokes, tell them to me!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summery**: see chapter one…

**Disclaimer**: see chapter one…

**Uchihas Girl**: … Chapter four! I hope you likey!

The first joke might be slightly racist… I'm sorry if you don't like it, just totally, like, skip it cuz…

Naruto (priest), Sakura, and Ino (nuns) are playing miniature golf. Naruto whacks the ball with his club and the ball misses the hole by about twenty inches

"God damnit I missed" Naruto shouted angrily

Sakura and Ino gasped

"Don't say that!" Sakura warned, "Or God will hit you with a bolt of lightning"

So on the next hole, Naruto whacks the ball again he misses the hole by ten inches

"God damnit I missed" Naruto shouted angrily

Sakura and Ino gasped

"Don't say that!" Sakura warned, "Or God will hit you with a bolt of lightning"

And on the next hole:

"God damnit I missed" Naruto shouted angrily

Sakura and Ino gasped

"Don't say that!" Sakura warned, "Or God will hit you with a bolt of lightning"

and on and on until finally the eighteenth hole:

Naruto whacks the ball SO hard because he is incredibly fed up and the ball flies out into the horizon until none of them can see the ball

"GOD DAMNIT I MISSED" Naruto shouted

and Sakura is about to open her mouth and warn Naruto, when the sky is suddenly dark. A lightning bolt comes out of the sky and hits Sakura and Ino.

And a booming voice from the sky shouts: "God Damnit I missed"

Naruto: Hey Sasuke!

Sasuke: Bluntly what?

Naruto: after everything I say, you say "and so did the big fat lady"

Sasuke: and so did the big fat lady

Naruto: OKAY

Sasuke: and so did the big fat lady

Naruto: I-

Sasuke: and so did the big fat lady

Naruto: after every _sentence_ I say!

Sasuke: and so did the big fat lady

Naruto: I went for a walk

Sasuke: and so did the big fat lady

Naruto: I bought a balloon

Sasuke: and so did the big fat lady

Naruto: I accidentally let go of the balloon

Sasuke: this is getting ridiculous Naruto

Naruto: Just say it!

Sasuke: and so did the big fat lady

Naruto: the balloon popped

Sasuke:…………………………………………………………

Naruto: JUST SAY IT

Sasuke: and so did the big fat lady

Naruto: Laughs hysterically

Sasuke: it wasn't funny Naruto…

**(A/N: This, along with the first joke, might be slightly racist… SORRY!)**

Naruto, Ino, and Temari (all blondes) just died and they are at the gateway to heaven. An angel flies down from nowhere and lands in front of the gate

"You may only enter the gates of heaven if you answer a question correctly" the angel said bluntly, he looked down at his hand and read a scribble on his palm "What is Christmas?"

"Psht, that's _easy_" Ino said confidently "Christmas is when we give thanks and eat turkeys!"

And she goes to hell

"Next" the angel says in a bored tone

Then Temari says: "Christmas is when we shoot fireworks, and wear red white and blue"

And she goes to hell

The angel looks at Naruto expectantly

"Christmas?" Naruto asks "ok, Christmas is when a baby is born"

"Close enough" The angel says, he's about to lower the gate when Naruto continues to speak

"And then bunnies give me chocolate!"

And he goes to hell

Naruto, Neji, and Gaara are blindfolded and are about to be shot

"Any last words?" The gunman says to Neji

"TORNADO" Neji shouts and the gunman looks in the other direction, and Neji escapes

"Any last words?" the gunman says to Gaara

"HURRICANE" Gaara shouts

the gunman turns and Gaara escapes

"Any last words?" the gunman says to Naruto

Naruto bites his lower lip, thinking, after a while he knows exactly what he's going to say

"FIRE!"

Naruto is taking a shower when Neji, a fireman, knocks on the door

Naruto looks out the window, he sees Neji, grabs a towel, wraps it around his waist and opens the door

"Naruto, can you give me a trophy?" Neji asks

"Why?"

"I just saved someone from a burning building!"

"No!" and Naruto closes the door and continues to take his shower

Ten minutes later, there is a knock at the door

Naruto looks out the window, it's Gaara the police. So Naruto puts the towel around his waist and walks outside.

"What?" Naruto asks angrily

"Naruto, can you give me a trophy?" Gaara asks

"Why"

"because I just arrested someone"

"No" and Naruto slams the door in Gaara's face

Naruto goes back to his shower but is disturbed yet another time, this time it's the neighborhood blind man, Kakashi, (Sorry kakashi lovers).

So Naruto is lazy and doesn't put on a towel because the guys blind

"What?" Naruto asks

"Can you give me a trophy?" asks Kakashi

"Why"

"I can see again"

**Uchihas Girl**: finally I updated! Aren't you proud??? This chapter took me forever though… SORRY!


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